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Day 1 - August 9, 1999
(Editor's note: We spent Saturday afternoon, night and Sunday day at my parents' house, dog-sitting.  As a further note, my parents do not allow any animals into their bedroom -- allergies.)

    My sadistic captors thought it would be funny to take me to a different house for the weekend.  That's not the sadistic part.  This different house (I've been there before) contains within it, a DOG (retch).

    Not just that, but a dog that's at least twice my size!  Now, she pretends no interest in me, but I know she's really just biding her time until I'm not looking, and then she'll try and eat me... or something.  Therefore, I spent most of the weekend in my super-alert-bushy-tail-mode.  As we all know, the bushy tail makes all the difference when trying to make myself look big.  So I contented myself to making the dog nervous by staring at her all of the time.  And stealing her food when she wasn't looking.
 
    Then the night came, and my captors would not allow me entrance to the bedroom, which would, of course, prevent me from extracting revenge directly upon Them in their sleep.  Since They had dared to annoy me so, I settled down to a night of solid noisemaking: crying out on a more or less continual basis for an hour, stopping just long enough for then to go to sleep, then starting up again, maybe this time kicking the door, etc.  At one several points, They came out, told me to shut up, then went back to sleep.  At another point (and I knew it was working then) they made motions like they had given up, and invited me in, to which I went for the gusto, and ran off downstairs for about an hour, before returning to my noisemaking.  I doubt they slept all night.

    While I was at that place, the fish had had a chance to regroup and rest up.  I was forced to put them in their place last night.  I am slowly sprinkling bug repellent from the camping box into the tank.  Soon, the water should be so polluted that the fish with all die.  Ba-ha-ha-ha

    The plug's back.  I toyed with it last night, while keeping Them up (two birds with one stone, so to speak).  Then I stuffed it behind the deep-freezer.  One day I'll find a place for it where it will never be found!

Day 2 - August 10, 1999
    There were a lot of noises outside last night, and I an ashamed to admit I did not do a very good job of keeping my captors up.  I did produce some well-placed confusion this morning, though, when I sat near my food area and just kept meowing.  I know perfectly well that I only get wet food in the evenings (and I was fed last night), and my cereal bowl and water dish were both full.  It was simply fun to watch the puzzled looks on Their faces as They tried to figure out what was wrong.  With any luck, They will feel guilty about something all day... revenge is sweet.

    I realized I haven't tried to trip Her up on the stairs for a long time.  I'll have to get back into practice, or I'll never bump Them off!

    The fish have been behaving (or maybe the bug repellent is taking its toll finally).  They seem listless and slow; soon they will let their guard down and I shall have them!

    The plug's still behind the freezer.  I give it two more days.

Day 3 - August 11, 1999
    Feeling frisky and vengeful yesterday, I spent much of my time attacking my captors.  They came home with a bag of food with a big M on it and a cardboard drink tray thing.  So I thought I'd be cute to win the favour of my captors, by playing with the tray, and in the (empty) bag.  It worked, and now They will be more willing to accept any punishments I hand out...

    Which brings me to last night:  She occasionally allowed some flesh to peek out from under the blankets, which, of course, is just asking for trouble.  I proceeded to attack and pink I saw sticking out, and when She stopped allowing Herself to stick out, I burrowed under the covers to reach Her anyway...until He got up and locked me out of Their sleeping room.  So I satisfied myself with my tried and true techniques of meowing and kicking the door all night.

    They found the blasted plug -- it seems as good as new now!  Will I ever be rid of the plug?!

    On that note, the people in the drain have been strongly suggesting that I might want to chew up another roll of toilet paper.  Sadly, though, They have not left one within my reach in weeks!  I will have to watch more carefully...

    I hate fish!

Day 4 - August 12, 1999
    Well, I found out what "bath" means last night.  For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.  This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo."  What sick minds could invent such a liquid.  My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth, and the possibility of clogging up Their drain with my hair -- although that seems to have annoyed the people in the drain.  They're not speaking to me.

    I chewed and sucked on Her favourite plant for a while yesterday as well.  She always gets particularly upset when I leave it nice and glistening wet.  I love to drool on Their stuff!

    I don't know what happened with the fish!  Suddenly, they're Deadly Water Shield has been replenished!  It seems clearer than ever, as if to try to fool me into thinking it isn't there.  It is.  I checked.  Got deadly water on my hand.  Stupid fish.

    Got yelled at when They found the plug (which I had hidden under the couch).  Seems She actually wanted to submit Herself to the water torture as well (just before MY dip).  Though it WAS fun to watch them hunt for it, He yelled at me when he did find it.  Now I know to keep hiding it, if I wish to drive Him over the edge of sanity.

    I did avenge my water torture session though -- I slept (wetly) on Their bed all night.  Every time They kicked me off, I just got on in another spot.  By morning, the bed was more or less damp everywhere.  Life is so good!

Day 5 - August 13, 1999
    A rather uneventful day yesterday, except for my captors returning very late.  Something about a "movie."  Since 6pm had come and gone with no appearance of fresh meat in my bowl, I chose to punish Them by the spreading of trash.  I opened up a garbage bag and proceeded to play with the contents... Managed to get it halfway down the stairs and all over the upstairs hallway.  Sadly, it only had paper, cardboard and a little plastic.  What They always refer to as "recycling."  Whatever.

    Got in trouble for the garbage, but unfortunately, it did not trip Them on the way up the stairs.  No matter; the people in the drain are talking to me again, and they are giving me some more ideas anyways.

    I was exhausted from flinging the trash around, and from starvation ... Beautiful, powerful cats like myself should not have to wait till 9:00 at night for their food (cereal doesn't count!)!  As a result, I was forced to actually sleep last night... To my dismay, I overheard comments of "I slept great last night!"  Blast!  Now They are refreshed and all my careful sleep deprivation tactics have to be started over!

    The fish taunt me so!  I caught Her actually feeding them!  Now I know She's on their side!!  They must be the informers about the whereabouts of the plug -- which explains how they keep finding it so quickly!  I must devise a plan to thwart them all.